


nobody knows how loud your heart gets

by dragdragdragon



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Background Character Death, Canonical Child Abuse, Crushes, F/F, Recreational Drug Use, Set in early 2000, Skipping Class
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragdragdragon/pseuds/dragdragdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The air whipped out of her lungs as Iris soar higher and higher. The sun felt warm against her skin as she lifted her face up to the sky. The swing propelled her down as she looked over to Lisa who was smiling so brightly, like a beacon calling to Iris. </p><p>“I’m gonna jump!” Lisa said, exhilarated, pumping her legs furiously as the swing pushed her closer to the sky.</p><p>or </p><p>How Iris West learned to deal with her growing crush amidst high school drama, ridiculous brothers, and a little problem called Lewis Snart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. swing a little further

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writerdragonfly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerdragonfly/gifts), [MissSugarPlum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSugarPlum/gifts).



> Thank you, MissSugarPlum/[that-pumpkinspicewhitegirl](http://that-pumpkinspicewhitegirl.tumblr.com/) for being my beta on this, but also, for helping me with the summary (seriously, she wrote the last bit of it).
> 
> &
> 
> To [writerdragonfly](http://writerdragonfly.tumblr.com/) for helping me jump start this idea.
> 
> Kyla and Kelsey are the very very best at cheerleading me on. I love you both to pieces.
> 
> The title of the fic is from [How Loud Your Heart Gets - Lucius](https://youtu.be/FDdMAkmIURA?list=PLvblL_unPFq3-eWQ8IAJnRanHag5dl8se). The title of the chapter is from [Cliffs Edge - Hayley Kiyoko](https://youtu.be/7ZfCUM1uyvw).

i.

 

Lisa’s copper hair fell as she looked down, tucking her knees under her chin. Her long strands, tangled together, shielded her face from the rest of the class. Iris sat diagonally behind Lisa on the slick gym floor, cross legged. She felt compelled to move over and tuck Lisa’s hair behind her ear, to press kisses against her cheek. Instead, Iris squashed her thoughts down in order to listen to Mrs. Davis, the P.E. instructor.

 

“- these past weeks. Next week, we will be going to the pool and swimming laps. And I expect -”

 

Iris leaned forward to rest her elbows on her legs and her gaze turned back to Lisa. She watched Lisa lift her head up at the word ‘pool,’ watched the color drain from Lisa’s face, watched it be replaced by pure terror. Lisa’s horror sent shivers down Iris’s spine and twisted Iris’s stomach into knots of worry.

 

Earlier in the day, 2nd period English Honors to be exact, Lisa had asked to borrow a pencil from Iris. Lisa’s famous smirk had caused Iris to lose her train of thought before scrambling to find her spare pencil.

 

“Yes, you can have my spare. If I can find it,” Iris had said as she frantically dug around her backpack.

 

Lisa had huffed out a laugh before reaching over to pull the pencil from Iris’s ear. The stretch had caused Lisa’s shirt to pull up, revealing a dark purple bruise sprawling across her side and stomach.

 

Iris had tried so hard to school her expression, to not let the moment turn sour. She had failed. She had let out a small gasp and Lisa’s expression had turned from glee to panic.

 

Lisa had pulled down her shirt and shifted her body to stare at the chalkboard, fuming. They didn’t speak for the rest of the period. No matter how hard Iris had tried to form words that didn’t sound dumb in comparison to Lisa’s pain, that didn’t sound like pity. Iris didn’t do pity, but her heart ached in fear for Lisa.

 

Lisa’s terrified expression while Mrs. Davis spoke meant the bruise Iris saw earlier wasn’t the only one. It meant that there was a reason why Lisa always wore leggings and long sleeve shirts in P.E., even when the sun sweltered above them.

 

It made Iris’s mind race with all the possibilities. Iris doesn’t think Lisa was dating someone, but she wouldn’t expect Lisa to tell her something so private, not as someone Lisa only talked to for five minutes at a time before class. Lisa’s brother, Len, though a little cold towards the rest of the student body, was always so protective of Lisa. Lisa never spoke of her parents and always seemed to avoid the topic.

 

Iris knew things because Dad told her. Lisa’s dad worked at CCPD as a beat cop and her mom had passed away when Lisa was 7, which was also around the time they stopped having playdates and hanging out after school. After Lisa’s mom’s death, Lewis Snart became brutal. He often got in trouble for his aggressive behavior towards perps. It wasn’t difficult to put two and two together, but Iris didn’t know what to do with the information.

 

Telling her dad could make things worse.

 

 _Not_ telling could be devastating.

 

Iris had to do _something_ , even if it was only a tiny gesture.

 

ii.

 

One week later, standing in middle of the school’s courtyard, Iris tightened her hold on her backpack, kicking around loose gravel as she waited for the bell to ring. Barry had just left, scurrying off to return a library book, when she spotted Lisa’s hunched shoulders and scruffed up chucks.

 

It was that moment, the defining moment, a moment that had raised the hair on the back Lisa’s neck that Iris knew what she was going to do.

 

“Lisa,” Iris said panting. She had crossed the courtyard in quick small steps barely dodging the hoard of students.

 

Lisa turned to face Iris; her hair whipped into her face. Her eyes were wide and a clear sky blue. She was breathtaking, an unmistakeable beauty against the dull brick walls and drooping trees.

 

“Hey.” Lisa said as nonchalantly as she could. Iris could hear a slight tremor in her voice.

 

“I was wondering, um, if you would...” Iris stammered as she could feel her face heat up in embarrassment.

 

“Would what?” Lisa said defensively, causing Iris to blush even harder.

 

Iris took a deep breath, not deterred by Lisa’s short tone. “Look, I need your help. I’ve never done this before, but I can’t...” Iris faltered for a second. “I need to skip P.E. today. Will you come with me?”

 

Lisa parted her lips in surprise. “Ok. Let’s go.”

 

“Now?” Iris asked, her heart pounding loudly in her ear.

 

Lisa gave her a devilish smile. “Duh. C’mon.”

 

iii.

 

The air whipped out of her lungs as Iris soar higher and higher. The sun felt warm against her skin as she lifted her face up to the sky. The swing propelled her down as she looked over to Lisa who was smiling so brightly, like a beacon calling to Iris.

 

“I’m gonna jump!” Lisa said, exhilarated, pumping her legs furiously as the swing pushed her closer to the sky.

 

Iris laughed, her heart beating wildly against her chest. She gripped the chain tightly until it hurt as she watched Lisa leap from her seat to fly in the air for a seconds before crashing into the sand.

 

Lisa yelped; Iris dug her heels into the sand causing the swing to stop in a violent jolt.

 

“Are you okay?” Iris shouted. She untangled herself from the swing and ran over to Lisa. She skidded to a stop, dropping to her hands and knees by Lisa’s side.

 

Lisa looked up pushing herself to her elbows. She scrunched her face into an exaggerated pout.

 

Iris stared at Lisa with a look of incredulity before bursting into laughter.

 

Laughter bubbled out of Lisa until she laughed so hard, she snorted. It only caused Lisa and Iris to laugh harder until Iris felt like she couldn’t breathe.

 

Iris fell to her side before rolling over to lay on her back. The top of her head brushed against Lisa’s shoulder.

 

“You survived the flying and the crash landing. Do you know what this means?” Iris asked in her most serious tone.

 

“I’m alive?” Lisa said with a slight smile.

 

“No! It means I get to award you with a medal of honor. Or in this case, an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen,” Iris replied with a grin.

 

“An ice cream cone definitely trumps any medal of honor.” Lisa said as she turned her head to face Iris. Lisa’s hair tickled Iris’s cheek causing Iris to giggle some more.

 

Iris turned her head to look at Lisa, beaming. Lisa matched her smile. Lisa’s eyes were as blue as the sky above. Iris held her breath as her gaze kept flickering to Lisa’s lips, glimmering in the light from her lipgloss. She leaned in closer as she glanced back to Lisa’s gaze and tilted -

 

“Let’s get some ice cream, hmm?” Lisa exclaimed as she jumped up, shaking the sand off her jeans.

 

Iris’s heart sank to the pit of stomach from the rejection, but quickly smiled back. She pushed herself onto her feet and said, “Alright, I think there’s a place across the street.”

 

Lisa linked their arms together. “Lead the way!” she commanded.

 

Off they went, one block south and then across the street to find the Dairy Queen housed in a giant ice cream cone. Iris was distracted the entire way there by the warmth of Lisa’s arm, burning through Iris’s thin cotton long sleeve.

 

“You know, I wished we did this more often. I mean, not skip class all the time. But like hang out.” Iris said as she lead Lisa towards the order window.

 

“We use to, before my mom…” Lisa said trailing off as she pulled her arm away. She stopped walking and looked away from Iris.

 

Iris opened and closed her mouth a few times, grappling for words. “It’s not like we didn’t want to. Having one parent and a dweeb brother makes it hard. Yeah?”

 

Lisa choked out a laughter. “At least you didn’t get yours until later. My jerk brother has been messing with me my entire life.”

 

“Isn’t that true? C’mon. Let’s order,” Iris said as she pulled Lisa forward.

 

“Hello! Welcome to Dairy Queen. What can I get you?” A disinterested teen droned.

 

“Uh, a small vanilla and chocolate swirl, please, and whatever she wants,” Iris ordered, nudging Lisa.

 

“A small vanilla with sprinkles on a cone,” Lisa said.

 

“2.40 please,” the teen said.

 

“Sprinkles?” Iris asked, pulling Lisa to the side as they waited.

 

“Sprinkles are the best. Lenny and Grandpa always got my ice cream cones with sprinkles.”

 

“You call Leonard, Lenny?” Iris whispered in surprise. Leonard Snart did not look like a Lenny.

 

“Ha, Lenny hates the name Leonard. He’s been trying to get me to call him Len instead for years. I’ll never,” Lisa said, chewing on her bottom lip.

 

“Leonard can’t be worse than _Bartholomew_ ,” Iris said.

 

“You are right! You are _so_ right,” Lisa said.

 

“I’m always right,” Iris said with a big smile. “And that means we’re gonna do this again and _soon_.”

 

“Pinky promise?” Lisa asked, sticking her pinky out. She grinned brilliantly, sending shivers down Iris’s spine.

 

Iris hooked her pinky with Lisa’s and shook. When she let go, the edge of her finger tingled. “That’s a promise.”

 

iv.

 

Iris spent the walk home in a delighted daze. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lisa, about the way the ice cream dripped from the cone, the way Lisa chased it with her tongue. Iris couldn’t stop thinking about how sweetly Lisa smiled, how the dimples appeared on her face.

 

Iris was _smitten_. She felt like she was walking on air all the way home.


	2. push all the doubt to the side of your mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa bit her lip as she looked back up. Iris sucked in a deep breath before smiling brightly.
> 
>  
> 
> “Hi,” Iris said.
> 
>  
> 
> Lisa’s lips twitched upwards slowly, her dimples deepening as her eyes brightened into a soft, happy look, almost fond. It was an expression that Iris hadn’t seen before and it was directed at _her._

i.

 

Iris dropped her bag in the foyer. The house was silent; she could hear every creak from the hardwood floor every time she took a step. The house was never this quiet, not with Barry around. He was always humming a song or tapping his fingers. 

 

Iris’s heart sunk; her legs felt like jelly. Something was wrong - she felt it in her gut, like a black hole sucking in all of her joy.

 

Iris entered the dining room. Her dad sat at the head of the table with his elbows on the surface. His hands were clasped, tightly wound together as he rested his  forehead on them.

 

She stopped walking, and her heart stopped the instant Joe looked up.

 

“Iris  _ Ann _ West. We need to talk,” her dad said harshly.

 

Iris raised her head and squared her shoulders, despite feeling like her world might end. 

 

“Hi, Dad,” she said, with a defiant glint in her eyes.

 

ii.

 

“Hey,” Barry said, biting his lip as he pushed the door to Iris’s room open.

 

Iris flopped over on her bed; her eyes up at the ceiling. “Close the door, “ she said as she made space for Barry on the bed.

 

“I’m sorry,” Barry said as he laid on the bed with her, side by side. “I think this is my fault.”

 

“How?” Iris said, miserably. “Did you ground me and take away access to the computer?”

 

“No, but I came home early from school because I didn’t see you in Bio, and Joe was home, and I didn’t know how to lie?” Barry rambled.

 

“Barry, it’s okay. I don’t blame you. Also, you missed _Robotics Club_ for me? How sweet,” Iris said, clutching her heart and pretending to swoon.

 

“Shut up. He hasn’t gone in months,” Barry said, grabbing the pillow behind him and smothering it on his face.

 

“I’m sorry Bear. I guess, we’re just going to be unlucky forever,” Iris said mournfully.

 

“What happened today?” Barry exclaimed, smacking the pillow against Iris’s side as he jolted up to lean against the headboard.

 

“Hey!” Iris protested, grabbing the the pillow and smacking him in the middle of stomach.

 

“Oof,” Barry said, clutching the pillow around his stomach. “I’m serious, Iris. Tell me what made you skip a whole day.”

 

Iris looked away, a smile growing slowly into a bright grin. “Lisa Snart.”

 

“Really? Lisa Snart,” Barry said, in shock as he scratched the back of his neck. “A Snart, huh?”

 

“You have something against Lisa?” Iris said incredulously, scooting up to rest her back against the wall.

 

“No! That’s not it at all. I’m just a little surprised! Please, tell me more about her,” Barry said, eyes frantic.

 

“Even though you won’t tell me about that mysterious guy you have a crush on?” Iris said with a smirk.

 

“Iris,” Barry said, eyes pleading.

 

“Fine! I’ll tell you about Lisa,” she huffed, burying her face into her hands.

 

iii.

 

Iris brushed the back of her hand against Lisa’s as they walked to English together. It was ever so light, so Lisa could pull away, so Iris could pretend it didn’t mean anything, if need be. ( _ It meant everything _ .) 

 

Instead, Lisa looked down and tangled their fingers together, causing Iris’s heart to flutter.

 

Lisa bit her lip as she looked back up. Iris sucked in a deep breath before smiling brightly.

 

“Hi,” Iris said. 

 

Lisa’s lips twitched upwards slowly, her dimples deepening as her eyes brightened into a soft, happy look, almost fond. It was an expression that Iris hadn’t seen before and it was directed at  _ her _ . 

 

During class, Lisa kept looking back with a small smile, that secret smile just for  _ Iris _ , before turning to face the white board once again.

 

Iris spent the rest of the class in a daze, overwhelmed and hopeful. She had no idea what Miss Gomez was talking about or what assignments were due when. She was floating on a cloud, waiting for the next moment she could speak to Lisa.

 

“-Snart and Iris West. Please see me after class,” Miss Gomez called out.

 

Iris almost missed hearing her and Lisa’s names. Her heart immediately sank.

 

This time when Lisa looked back, her eyes were wide with worry and her face was pale. Iris had a hard time concealing her horror. Joe had already known, but Lisa’s  dad  _ didn’t _ .

 

The class streamed out until there was no one left but the three of them. Iris slipped her backpack on, her hands clutching on the straps as she waited patiently for Lisa to gather her things. Iris wanted to present a united front.

 

Iris and Lisa stood side by side, shoulders touching. She took a leap of courage and slid her hands into Lisa’s. Lisa held on, tightening her grasp until it was almost painful for Iris.

 

Miss Gomez looked up from her paperwork as Iris squared her shoulders.

 

“Iris. Lisa,” Miss Gomez acknowledged as she took off her glasses. “I think you know why you’re here.”

 

Iris squeezed Lisa’s hand as encouragement. Neither said a word.

 

“Right,” their teacher continued. “Do either of you have signed letters from your parents for your absences yesterday?”

 

Iris shook her head no before glancing at Lisa.

 

“No,” Lisa said, her head up and her chin sticking out.

 

“Great. Detention right after school,” Miss Gomez said.

 

“What! But this is our-” Iris said, outraged.

 

“Miss West,” the teacher sternly interrupted, “I saw the two of you in the courtyard before first period yesterday. To my surprise, neither of you were in my class. So, no excuses. Detention. After school. Now, on to your next class.”

 

Lisa tugged Iris’s arm and pulled her out of the classroom.

 

“I’m sorry. This is all my fault!” Iris whispered as they headed towards the next class.

 

Lisa pushed her to the side of the hall and looked straight into Iris’s eyes. “No, I wanted to get out of P.E. You gave me an excuse. So, don’t be sorry.”

 

“I still asked you to skip. If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t even be in detention,” Iris said with a sigh. She curled her shoulders inwards; the guilt felt like lead in the pit of her stomach. Not even the warmth of Lisa’s hands clutching Iris’s arms made her feel better.

 

Lisa laughed. “Are you serious? Detention doesn’t mean anything. As long as the school doesn’t call my dad, it’s cool.”

 

“If you say so,” Iris said, skeptical. 

 

“I say so.”

 

“How are you going to get out of P.E. today? I mean, because swimming is the worst,” Iris asked, nervously. She tucked a strand of black hair behind her ear as she  looked down, knocking Lisa’s hand from her arm. Iris’s skin grew cold from the loss of heat.

 

“Easy. I’m on my period,” Lisa said nonchalantly.

 

The ball of guilt in Iris’s gut lessened. She tilted her face back up to give Lisa a small smile.

 

Lisa looked to the side before worrying her bottom lip. She leaned in close to softly kiss Iris’s cheek.

 

“Oh,” Iris said, suddenly breathless.

 

Lisa smiled wickedly before sauntering off to her next class. Iris couldn’t help but follow Lisa’s figure weaving in and out of the mess of students until she disappeared.

 

Iris’s cheek tingled for the rest of the day.

 

iv.

 

Lisa wasn’t in school the next day. 

 

Iris worried, chewed the inside of her cheek, and said nothing until the last bell rang. Then, with a rush of energy, she booked it home with Barry following in tow. Since Dad greeted them in the kitchen, Iris had to send Barry to the computer room (aka Dad’s office) to message Lisa for her on AIM. 

 

Lisa never answered. Barry checked every hour on the dot.

 

Lisa wasn’t in school two days later. 

 

The lead stone in the pit of Iris’s stomach grew and grew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from Thao & The Get Down Stay Down's [Swimming Pool](https://youtu.be/966nqAtqWzE).
> 
> Since this is set in the early 2000s, cell phones weren't as big thing yet. Instead, we had AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). (and yes, this definitely dates me as old, haha)


	3. when the unknown surrounds you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The garage was a dingy off-white building with the words “Rory’s Tire Shop” painted in firehouse red. Iris tightened her grip on Barry as they entered through the side.
> 
> “Hey!” a man with closely shaved head growled. Iris and Barry took a step back as the man’s large muscular stature and the permanent looking scowl presented a very intimidating obstacle. The greased stained grey shirt and bright red thick suspenders added to the man’s presence.
> 
> “What are a bunch of snot nosed kids doing in my shop?” the man asked in a deep hostile voice.

 i.

 

The sun was bright and the wind softly rustled the trees. Iris was a bundle of frenzy and nerves amongst the quiet of the school’s courtyard.

 

It was first lunch. A lunch period she didn’t even share with Barry, but nevertheless, she was here (under the guise of working on an article for the CCHS newspaper).

 

“We need to find Leonard Snart,” Iris said as she dug her fingers into Barry’s arm.

 

“What? Why?” Barry hissed as he tried to pull away. He almost ran into the picnic table outside.

 

“He’ll know where Lisa is.”

 

“Oh,” Barry said, halting. His face softened.

 

“So please, help me look for him? I know you’re probably hungry, but...” Iris pleaded.

 

“He’s, uh. I don’t think he’s at school anymore.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t think he’s at school anymore?” Iris nearly shouted, her heart sinking at the thought of losing her only lead.

 

Lisa hadn’t responded to any of her messages on AIM, and she hadn’t been in school for three days. Iris even tried calling Lisa’s house after finding the Snarts in the phone book, but no one was ever home.

 

“I mean, one day, he stopped going to school. But I might know who to ask?” Barry said in a rush. His eyes were wide in panic.

 

“Sorry, Bear. I’m just really worried about her.”

 

“I know you are. I want to help. Look, Len used to chill with Sara Lance. They’re dating. For _realies_.”

 

“Where do we find Sara?”

 

“She’s probably under the bleachers,” Barry said, looking over his shoulders before leaning in closer and lowering his voice, “smoking pot.”

 

“Barry _Allen_. Have you been hiding things from me?” Iris asked, pretending to be shocked.

 

“ _Iris_ ,” Barry said with a slight whine.

 

“Fine, fine. No poking fun at the Bear. I got you,” Iris said.

 

They found Sara right where Barry said, leaning against a structural pillar under the bleachers, a joint dangling from her fingers. She wasn’t alone though.

 

A dark haired girl with razor sharp eyes had her arm draped over Sara’s shoulder, leaning in close. Sara brought the joint to her lips and took a hit, turned her head, and blew smoke into the girl’s open mouth. The girl sucked it in before exhaling the smoke out, and Sara surged up to kiss her - a deep, open-mouthed kiss that made Iris shiver with yearning and made her miss Lisa even more.  

 

“I thought you were dating Len?!” Barry blurted out; his fists were clenched so tight, the knuckles were white. He stopped walking a few feet away from the two girls, and Iris almost ran into him.

 

Sara laughed. “Have you ever heard of a beard, little duckling?”

 

Barry froze, red spreading across his cheeks.

 

“Oh,” he said, eyes wide in surprise. “ _Oh!”_ he repeated, as if a light bulb suddenly turned on in his brain.

 

Iris bit her bottom lip hard as she tried not to laugh. So that’s _who_ Barry had a crush on; Lisa’s big brother, go figure.

 

Iris took a deep breath and exhaled. She needed answers, and if Sara knew anything, Iris was going to make sure she told them.

 

“Sara, we need your help,” Iris said, her game face set.

 

“Okay, _children_ ,” Sara said as she took another hit. “I’m here having a smoke with my _girlfriend_ , Nyssa, and you little dweebs are messing up my chill. Why would I help you?”

 

“Right - you don’t have to, but if you’re as good of a friend to _Lenny_ as Barry thinks you are, you will help us,” Iris said.

 

“What about _Leonard_?” Sara said, blowing smoke into Iris’s face.

 

Iris coughed and proceeded to open her mouth to give Sara a piece of her mind, and immediately, Barry stepped in front of Iris. “You know Lisa. We think she’s in trouble, so we need to get in contact with Len.”

 

Sara’s face hardened. Her blazed look evaporated as she smothered the smoke out of the joint and tucked it into her back pocket. She pulled Nyssa aside and they whispered frantically, their foreheads pressed together. It was too muffled for Iris to make out what they were saying.

 

Sara casually leaned against Nyssa and stared down Iris and Barry with an impenetrable gaze.  “Fine. But if I find out that what I tell you spreads anywhere outside the four of us, you’ll wish you had never lived in the same town as me, capiche?”

 

Iris and Barry looked at each other. They had identical expressions, slightly afraid, but equally determined. They looked back at Sara and Nyssa, and both nodded.

 

“Good. You can find Len at the mechanic shop down 9th Street, near Keystone,” Sara said.

 

“Do you know if Len’s ok?” Barry asked.

 

Sara stared at Barry, silent, as if debating what to say.

 

“Good luck,” Nyssa said in final tone, dismissing them. Sara nodded and grabbed Nyssa’s hand to leave.

 

Iris and Barry stood there for what felt like hours, but was really merely minutes, staring at the blank spot Sara and Nyssa had occupied.

 

ii.

 

The air tasted bitter and stagnant as Iris and Barry stepped off the air conditioned bus. The buildings looked worn down and the streets battered. 9th Street was only twenty blocks from the high school, but it felt like a completely different world.

 

Barry linked his arm with Iris’s. “Where now?”

 

“To the left. It should be on the corner of 9th & Bridge,” Iris said, digging her nails into Barry’s forearm. Iris felt Barry wince at the pain, but he stayed silent.

 

The garage was a dingy off-white building with the words “Rory’s Tire Shop” painted in firehouse red. Iris tightened her grip on Barry as they entered through the side.

 

“Hey!” a man with closely shaved head growled. Iris and Barry took a step back as the man’s large muscular stature and the permanent looking scowl presented a very intimidating obstacle. The greased stained grey shirt and bright red thick suspenders added to the man’s presence.

 

“What are a bunch of snot nosed kids doing in my shop?” the man asked in a deep hostile voice.

 

Iris took a deep gulp of air. “We’re looking for Leonard Snart,” she said with a slight tremor in her voice.

 

“There ain’t a Leonard Snart working here. Now scram,” the man insisted fiercely, taking a menacing step closer.

 

“We know Len works here. It’s important we find him,” Iris said, undeterred.

 

“It’s about Lisa,” Barry piped up as he huddled closer to Iris.

 

“It’s okay, Mick. I know them,” a younger voice said. A thinner man emerged from Mick’s left, but his face was obscured by the dark shadows from the recess of the dimly lit garage.

 

Mick nodded; his shoulders relaxed slightly. He turned and walked away.

 

The other man walked forward into the light to reveal a much younger face, someone who looked more closely to Barry’s age than Mick’s. The skin around his baby blue eyes - eyes that closely resembled Lisa’s - were bruised and swollen, and a nasty cut tore above his right eyebrow.

 

Barry pulled away from Iris’s clutches to run in front of Len, or who Iris assumed had to be Len. Barry skidded to a stop, merely inches away from the older teenager.

 

“Lenny?” Barry said, voice thick with uncertainty and worry.

 

“Hey, Bear,” Len said, looking down at his shoes.

 

Barry surged up and wrapped Len into a hug. Len’s face was openly surprised as he gently wrapped his arms against Barry’s back.

 

Barry pulled away from the hug to touch the side of Len’s face that was covered in a mixture of red, purple, and yellow bruising. Len slightly flinched from the touch, but stayed still as Barry gently trailed his fingers down Len’s cheek.

 

“What happened?” Barry asked softly.

 

Len stumbled backwards at Barry’s question. “W-w-what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

 

“Hi, uh, I’m Iris,” Iris cut in awkwardly. “Barry’s sister. We’re here because of Lisa. We’re worried about her.” She breathed in deeply, trying to remain calm; her fidgety hands were the only things that showcased her anxiety.

 

“Don’t be mad, but we asked Sara. We had to! Lisa hadn’t been in school for three days and Iris has been driving me mad with her worry and I know you don’t like it when I ask you questions about home, but if anything happened to Lisa… We just want to make sure she’s okay!” Barry rambled as he withdrew his fingers from where Len’s face was a moment ago.

 

Len’s expression turned dark before schooling itself into a cold glare. “Lisa’s fine. You asked. You can go now,” he said in a dismissive tone.

 

Iris marched up next to Barry. “We’re not leaving until we know she’s okay!” she demanded.

 

Len huffed in annoyance and started to turn away. Barry grabbed his arm, causing Len to turn back to face the younger teenager. Len looked down at Barry’s hand, then back up at Barry’s pleading eyes.

 

“Please, Len.”

 

Len tilted his head, frowning in thought. “Fine. 10 pm, here. Don’t be late.”

 

He turned on his heels and stalked away.

 

iii.

 

The bikes were tied to a tree three houses down from an earlier ride around the block. At a quarter after nine, Barry and Iris climbed down from Iris’s window, slowly and as quietly as possible.

 

Both beds were stuffed with pillows under the covers to mimic their bodies. Their father had already wished them a good night before heading off for bed as his shift unfortunately started at the crack of dawn.

 

( _Iris had barely kept a straight face wishing her dad good night; she couldn’t be more thankful at the good timing_.)

 

The ride over to Rory’s Tire Shop was a breeze. It was only forty blocks east with wind gently caressing Iris’s hair and causing her cheeks to redden from the chill. She was giddy that she had been able to strong-arm Len into letting them see Lisa. Iris had butterflies in her stomach and excitement in her veins. Three days had felt like three months, and she couldn’t wait a second more.

 

A quarter before ten, Len stood at the entrance of the mechanic shop waiting for Iris and Barry, face was stoic and grim. He looked tired. He looked more than just tired; he looked as if all the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.

 

Iris and Barry glanced at each other, silently communicating: words would be unnecessary. Iris got off of her bike and nodded at Len as a greeting.

 

Len gestured Iris and Barry over, and they followed him to a dark blue Mazda truck that looked like it had seen much better days. Len grabbed each of their bikes and placed them in the bed of the truck as Iris and Barry piled into the cab.

 

Barry slipped his hands into Iris’s, as if he knew she really needed the support. She took a deep breath. All the excitement and giddiness was gone, replaced by gut-wrenching worry.

 

Iris knew Lisa wasn’t okay. She could tell from Len’s silent treatment, from his stiff posture, from the way he gripped the wheel.

 

That ball of worry in the pit of Iris’s stomach, the lead stone that had bothered her for days, started to grow, painfully constricting against her ribs.

 

_Lisa wasn’t okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Beach House - Levitation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0mt0N5-LLw)
> 
> again, thanks to Kelsey for being the best and also for being my beta. ily. <3
> 
> and to Kyla for the Len as a beard headcanon.
> 
> (Len would never ask Sara, so Sara does it. There's a cute girl in her P.E. class that she likes and she doesn't want her dad butting in anyways. It was at a time Lewis was teaching more and more lessons and Len shouldered it all. Sara knew he needed one less thing that would make it worst.)


	4. dear heart, don't stop fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris finds Lisa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting for the very last day of Lisa Snart Week. This chapter is unbeta'd, so please do let me know if there's any weirdness. <3<3<3<3
> 
> Song title from [Riot Rhythm by Sleigh Bells](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h-HnjaSrz8)
> 
>  
> 
> Please see the end notes for warnings.

i.

 

It was dark; the only light was the moon, partly hidden by the clouds. It was dark; Iris could barely see the steps in front of her as she climbed up. The wood creaked every time she moved forward; the grit that covered the stairs made every step precarious.

 

After the fourth flight, Iris slipped, missing her foothold as she started to careen backwards. A hand shot out, catching her at the base of her back, steadying her. Her heart pounded in her ears, and adrenaline spiked. She turned to give her hero a grateful smile.

 

“Careful,” Len growled out. Iris could barely make the blink or miss concern on Len’s face. It was the first time he spoke all night.

 

The top of the stairs was dim, but Iris could still make out a worn door with peeling dark blue paint and a rusty door knob. Len pulled out his clanky keys from his grease stained jeans, before pausing.

 

“If you make Lisa feel any worse, this is over. And you can find your own way back home. Got it?” Len said with a nervous tremor that barely made it through his stern words as if he used all of his will power to keep his voice steady.

 

“We promise,” Iris said, looking at Len straight in the eye, anxious but determined.

 

Barry grabbed Iris’s hand, clutching tightly, always there whenever Iris needed him.

 

Len opened the door and turned on the kitchen light. The apartment was dingy with beige cracked linoleum and stained carpet, a fold out table and chairs that had seen better days to the right, and inside the tiny kitchen, a tiny beat up refrigerator hummed loudly. Despite that, the apartment was remarkably clean and tidy. Len dropped his keys on top of the counter and turned to face Iris and Barry.

 

“I’m going to check in on Lise. Wait here,” Len said, sounding more weary than ever. He opened the refrigerator door and poured a glass of water.  “Uh, make yourself at home or whatever.”

 

Iris pulled away and started to wring her hands and pace; every step causing her heart to beat right out of her chest, faster and faster.

 

“Iris,” Barry said, softly. “It’s okay. You’re gonna see Lisa soon.”

 

Iris flung herself onto Barry, hugging him tightly. “Thank you for being here.”

 

“Always,” Barry whispered before pulling away. “I’ll always back you up. Okay?”

 

Iris twisted her mouth, biting her bottom lip as she nodded, dragging herself away to keep her emotions in check.

 

As soon as she does, the door creaked open. Len appeared out from the shadows.

 

“Iris,” Len said, gesturing to the room he had exited. “I’ll stay here with Barry. We can catch up.”

 

Iris couldn’t meet Len’s eyes and muttered a thanks as she maneuvered past him; heart jumping to her throat. Taking in a deep breath, she stepped into the room to hear slow breathing.

 

“Lisa?” Iris whispered, unsure if loud noises would spook her.

 

It was pitch black inside the room. Only the slightly ajar door brought any illumination into the bare bedroom that housed only a lumpy mattress on the floor, lining the right wall. A thin strip of light hit Lisa in the face and part of her bare shoulder. Iris gasped.

 

Lisa’s face was pale, and yellow from the tungsten light. It wasn’t the deep bags under Lisa’s eyes that caused Iris’s heart to plummet and fear to melt through her veins. It wasn’t even the cut lip or the deep purple and yellow bruising around Lisa’s long neck. It was the bandage on Lisa’s shoulder, the dark red splotches that covered the surface area, that scared Iris. Lisa looked small and vulnerable, nothing like the headstrong rebel Iris knew.

 

Iris dropped to her knees in front of Lisa, hands hovering as she trembled.

 

“Was this-,” Iris said, voice cracking and eyes wide as she bit her bottom lip. “Did your _dad_ do this?”

 

Lisa pulled the blankets up, groaning in pain as she shifted.

 

“What do you think?” Lisa spat out. Before Iris could say another word, she continued in a tired tone, “why are you here, Iris?”

 

“I know we’ve just started getting to know each other again…” Iris’s voice started to falter as she swallowed against hard lump in her throat. “But then you disappeared. Vanished! I-I-I needed to make sure you were okay, Lisa.”

 

“Because you feel guilty? Or you pity me? No, thanks. Fuck off,” Lisa said, eyes downward as she curled into herself more.

 

Iris felt a surge of anger, fizzling in her veins, at the monster that laid a hand on Lisa. She clenched her hand into a fist, wanting to slam them in the wall, wanting to do anything then just sit there in front of the girl of her dreams and do nothing.

 

“No! Lisa. I like you. I _worry_ about you. And yes!” Iris almost shouted; heart pounding so strong she could hear it in her ears. “I do feel a little guilty, because it’s my fault for giving him a reason. I want to hurt _him_ for this. But I don’t pity you. I would never,” Iris continued, through her teeth, in grit and conviction.

 

Lisa’s face crumpled. She took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking, “It’s not your fault. If not detention, it would have been something else. Something stupid. Like the look in my eyes. He--” Lisa raised her hands to mimic quotations,”-- “teaches” me lessons, like I’m a disappointment for looking like my mom. For being stubborn like my mom.”

 

Lisa laughed, bitter. She looked tired, older and more mature than any 15 year old should look. Iris unravelled her fists, reaching out to touch Lisa’s hand, trying to radiate comfort and support.

 

“Can I- Would you mind if I lay down?” Iris asked, uncertain if she was overstepping Lisa’s boundaries.

 

Lisa smiled. It was a small and fragile smile, but it gave Iris hope. “I’d like that.”

 

Lisa scouted to the right, opening up space in front of her. Not letting go of Lisa’s hand, Iris laid on the mattress facing Lisa, on top of the dark comforter, as she smiled back. Lisa let her eyes droop, and pressed her forehead against Iris’s.

 

Iris’s palpitations slowed as she steadied her breath and let Lisa’s breathing lull her into a light doze.

 

ii.

 

Iris slumped against Barry on the bus to school, tired from last night’s sneaking around. She yawned as her head lolled against Barry’s bony shoulder.

 

“Think Dad noticed?” she mumbled, eyes fluttering closed.

 

“Hmm?” Barry sleepily replied. “Oh! Uh, he may be a detective but we’re his blind spot. So, I’m confident he didn’t. 100%.

 

“Okay, I’m more like 96% sure. No, 88%,” Barry said, before making a face as his voice becomes more and more uncertain. “Er, I’m 70% certain he didn’t notice. Or-”

 

“Stop!” Iris said, bursting out in laughter. “You’re ridiculous.”

 

“Sorry, Iris,” he said, apologetic. “I really do think Joe didn’t notice. We’re fine. We’ve got this.”

 

Iris felt a sense of relief, like she could breathe a little easier. She clutched her bag closer to her body, as if the little slip of paper with the phone number to Len’s apartment would be safer, as if it brought her closer to Lisa.

 

There was only one more day until the weekend and even grounded, Iris knew her dad would let her leave the house if she needed to work on a school project, especially if Barry came with. At least, she hoped.

 

She didn’t like lying to him, but Dad wouldn’t understand. With the detention and missing school, he would assume the worst. Reality was grayer than his perspective and Iris felt compelled to keep Lisa’s secret a secret, in order to protect her. Her dad would only bring trouble and possibly Lisa’s dad to their doorstep.

 

Lisa wasn’t safe with Lewis out and about. They needed a plan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: description of physical abuse/wounds from Lewis on Lisa.

**Author's Note:**

> Expect an update in 1-2 weeks! <3
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://dragdragdragon.tumblr.com/) and come and squeal with me about my fave, Lisa Snart.
> 
> The title of the fic is from [How Loud Your Heart Gets - Lucius](https://youtu.be/FDdMAkmIURA?list=PLvblL_unPFq3-eWQ8IAJnRanHag5dl8se).


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